Memories of Home Read online

  Her father cleared his throat, then spoke in a husky whisper. “My dad died before I got back up here. By the time I finally decided to move, even if it was by myself, he was already gone.”

  Ellie needed to change the topic and fast. She wanted her father to enjoy spending time with her, not come to dread these arduous journeys into the past. “Is grandma still alive?” she asked. Before now, Ellie hadn’t even thought about the fact she might have grandparents or other relatives living so close to the ranch, but now it was all she could think about.

  He lifted his head and smiled, the pain falling away like broken shackles. “She is, and she can’t wait to see you. But she wants to wait until you’re ready. All those years she desperately wanted to see you, and I tried to get your mom to agree to me coming to get you and bring you up here to spend time with us, but she never allowed it.” He stopped and looked at her with a sad smile.

  “Please don’t think I’m trying to speak ill of your mother or say that any of this was her fault. Things were just very complicated back then, and I carry a lot of the blame for it. Whatever my relationship with her, I should have tried harder to protect mine with you, to keep seeing you after I moved so far away.”

  They sat quietly together, both lost in their own thoughts. Ellie was starting to understand what had happened between her parents. While he refused to place the blame on her mother, she could clearly see the truth behind their separation. He had tried to stay in her life, no matter what her mother or anyone else had to say about the matter.

  Ellie reached for the Tupperware of apple slices they’d prepared for their picnic and felt a shadow fall over the table, blocking the sun.

  “Hello, Ellie,” Landon’s strong voice said. It was one she had never wanted to hear again, least of all so soon. “Sorry to interrupt, but I just thought I’d let you know I have some free time this afternoon if you want to try that riding lesson again.”

  She shoved the container of apples away, her appetite completely spoiled. What if Landon had intruded during one of the more intimate moments of her talk with her father? Or, worse yet, what if he’d been hanging back and listening to their private conversation? The same anger she’d felt that day in the corral came storming back.

  “Why do you always have to sneak up on me like that?” Ellie demanded.

  Landon’s eyebrows moved up and the corners of his mouth lifted into a smile. “I wasn’t now, nor am I ever, trying to sneak around. I’m pretty sure my boots weren’t all that quiet on the gravel as I walked up behind you. I’m guessing you were just deep in conversation and didn’t hear me.”

  He nodded at her father and extended a hand in greeting “Always so combative, this one. Good afternoon, sir. I’m Landon Hayes. I work with the horses here on the ranch, and I’m afraid I’ve somehow managed to end up on the wrong side of Ellie here.”

  “Stewart Hawkins. I’m Ellie’s father, and don’t worry. She’ll come around with time.”

  The men shook hands and both chuckled.

  “Nice to meet you, sir. And, boy, do I hope you’re right about that.”

  Ellie was about to stand up and demand they stop talking about her like she wasn’t even there when her father beat her to it. Scooting over on the bench to make room for Landon, he asked, “So you’re going to help my Ellie ride again?”

  Landon nodded and smiled over at her as he nudged her foot with his boot. She tried to ignore the small tug at her heart when he did that.

  Angry. I’m angry right now, Ellie reminded herself.

  “That’s my plan,” Landon answered, speaking to Stewart but keeping his eyes on Ellie as per the usual. “We tried the other day, but I’m afraid she wasn’t feeling quite up to it then.”

  Was he seriously going to act like he hadn’t done anything wrong? Like he hadn’t pretty much come right out and said she was stupid? Of course he’d managed to find the perfect opportunity to push his agenda—Ellie couldn’t say no without upsetting her father. He was so excited for her to be able to ride again and seemed to believe once she was around horses enough her memories would all come flooding back, too.

  Landon sat and waited, staring at her while grinning like a cat who’d just swallowed a bird. He knew. He one-hundred percent knew she couldn’t say no around her dad. And he’d chosen this exact moment on purpose.

  Smiling sweetly, she said the first thing that came into her mind. “Unfortunately, today won’t be good for me. My dad is here to visit, as you can see, and I’d like to spend time with him.” And not you. Never you. She refused to give in to whatever game he was playing just as she refused to be a pawn in her parents’ wars.

  “Oh, Ellie…” Her father interrupted with a sigh. “If this young man has time to take you for a lesson, then you go. I have a few things I need to do while I’m in Anchorage, so I’ll run and take care of those now and then come back tonight to see you for dinner.” He had already stood and begun collecting the empty containers and used napkins from their lunch as if to casually announce there would be no debating this decision.

  “Well, I guess there’s nothing stopping us then,” Landon said with a smug, self-satisfied look on his face.

  “Take good care of my girl.” Her dad put on a huge grin, obviously thrilled that she would be riding again. And poor Ellie didn’t have the heart to take that happiness away from him.

  Never mind, her happiness. Because if there was one thing she knew for sure, it was that she had been wrong about Landon Hayes.

  Very, very wrong.

  Her first impression had sent her heart scuttling in a million directions, but the more she got to know him, the more she loathed his presence.

  Hopefully, if she could survive a car accident, she could also survive a couple hours in his presence. After all, how long could a simple riding lesson really last, anyway?

  Chapter 11

  As much as Ellie didn’t want to spend time with Landon that afternoon, she was excited by the prospect of spending time with the horses again. Especially if it meant she could finally ride one.

  What if her dad was right?

  What if the moment she plopped onto the saddle all her memories came flooding back at once? What if she suddenly knew both the identity of the man in her dreams and how to find him? Would she stay at the ranch, or would she leave instantly in search of her long-lost love? Would she happily return to the world of high fashion with her mom or go somewhere else entirely to live the life she suspected she’d always wanted before the accident?

  Anything was possible, and it all started with this one afternoon, this one moment. So what if Landon was nearby? This wasn’t about him. It never had been.

  She took a deep breath and tried to put her issues with the instructor aside so she could focus on the entire reason she’d come to this place: to get better.

  “I think we’ll let you ride Buddy,” he explained as they approached the corral side by side. “He’s one of the calmest and most gentle horses I’ve ever known. Good for first time riders.”

  Ellie listened intently, focusing on his words and not her feelings. As she did, she spotted Penny at the far back corner of the front pen and gave the horse a little wave of recognition. Penny shook her head and snorted.

  Landon guided her toward the other side of the corral where the sweet, tan horse she’d met the other day stood waiting.

  “This is Buddy?” Ellie asked, reaching her hands out to pat the long neck as the gentle animal pushed his nose into her chest. She knew horses didn’t actually smile, but it sure felt like Buddy was wearing a special grin just for her.

  Landon nodded as he handed the horse a carrot. “Yes, he’s a bit of an attention seeker, this one.”

  They both laughed as the horse inhaled the vegetable with one sweeping gesture of its lips. “He enjoys being around people, so he’s perfect for building up your confidence. Just remember that not all horses are as gentle as this one.”

  She knew he was referring to Penny and she clenched he
r jaw to avoid saying what she really wanted to say. Just focus on the lesson. He doesn’t matter. Focus on you, on getting better.

  “Yes, I know it’s important to pay attention to their moods and signals,” she offered peaceably.

  He nodded and gave Buddy a few gentle slaps on the neck. “Most of the time there’s nothing to worry about. A horse won’t ever want to hurt you on purpose. But if they are spooked or aren’t feeling well, well… you just never know.”

  Ellie continued petting Buddy, laughing as the gentle giant leaned his head into hers. She could see why he would be the perfect horse for a beginner. He clearly didn’t have a mean bone in his entire body.

  “Buddy is a gelding,” Landon explained, and the word felt familiar even though she didn’t know what it meant. “They’re usually less temperamental than mares or stallions.”

  “Well, he’s a sweetheart, whatever he is.”

  Buddy whinnied in acknowledgment of the accomplishment, making Ellie laugh all over again.

  “C’mon, Buddy,” Landon said, motioning for the horse to step toward him. “Let’s go get you saddled up so this nice lady can ride you.”

  When Buddy drew near, Landon leaned forward to clip a lead rope onto his halter, then asked Ellie, “Do you want to lead him into the other pen?”

  “Of course I do. Let’s go, Buddy.” She took the rope from Landon and headed back toward the stables. The horse plodded along behind her, every now and then getting right up close and snorting on her neck. Ellie laughed as the hairs on his nose tickled her skin.

  A loud whinny reached her ears, causing her to turn her head toward the sound. Across the expanse of the pasture, Penny stood staring at them, almost as if she was offended that Ellie or Landon hadn’t made an effort to approach her since arriving at the corral.

  “Sorry, Penny,” she called, offering the other horse a reassuring nod. “I’ll be back to see you later.”

  Landon’s hand on her shoulder startled her. “No, you won’t, Ellie.” His voice boomed, sending a shiver clear down her spine. “Listen, I’m not trying to be mean, but Penny isn’t a horse you should be around. Not until she can learn to trust humans again. She’s too unpredictable and you could end up getting hurt. Just let me keep working with her until she comes around. I promise as soon as I believe she’s safe, I will take you to her. But it’s also important you understand that there’s a chance she isn’t going to get any better.”

  Ellie knew he was right, but his condescending tone still bristled. “I won’t get in the pen with her again. But there’s no reason I can’t stand on the other side of the fence and try talking to her, is there?”

  She shook off his hand and kept walking, leaning in toward Buddy as she cooed, “And we believe Penny will get better. Don’t we, boy? We’re not going to just give up on her.”

  Landon reached out to squeeze her shoulder one more time as he followed behind. “Well, lucky for Penny then, I’m not the kind of man to just give up either.”

  They brought Buddy into the smaller adjacent pen and tacked him. Landon patiently showed Ellie everything involved in getting a horse ready to ride. It frustrated her knowing that somewhere in her memories she already knew all of this but still had to learn it all over again. As they worked, she often caught Landon peeking at her hopefully, as if this latest bit of information would be the spark to light the fires of her memory.

  When there was nothing left to prepare, Landon began to coax her through the steps of mounting the horse. “Just make sure you swing your leg confidently over his back, and you’ll have no issues.”

  Ellie’s heart raced as she placed her foot in the stirrup and leaned forward to whisper to the horse. “Okay, Buddy, I need you to help me so I don’t make a complete fool of myself here.”

  Perhaps sensing her nerves, Landon placed his hands on either side of Ellie’s waist to guide her. As soon as he touched her, her breath caught in her throat and time seemed to slow almost to a stop.

  A not-so-small part of her wanted to relax into his hold, but the bigger, more sensible part wanted to hurry up and mount so she could escape his touch. Stepping up and swinging her leg over as quickly as she could dare, Ellie eased herself into the saddle.

  Landon grinned up at her. “Hey, how about that? It’s almost like you’ve done this before.”

  Ellie couldn’t resist beaming a huge smile straight at Landon as she acclimated herself to the saddle. She’d wanted to give up, but he’d made sure she saw this through. She closed her eyes and waited for the flood of memories to come rushing back, but the only thing that greeted her was the vision of the mystery man from her dreams—still faceless, still moving away from her.

  She opened her eyes again and let out a huge sigh. “I wish I could remember.” The words slipped out before she could stop them. This was too intimate, too morose for what was otherwise a joyous moment.

  But Landon seemed to be unfazed by her sudden turn. Instead he moved to reassure her. “You will. Just give yourself some time. Now, ready to go for a walk?”

  Ellie nodded, fighting back the tears that had inexplicably begun to form. Why did everything make her cry these days?

  She soon forgot her sorrow when Landon clicked his tongue and Buddy’s powerful haunches began to move beneath her. Side to side and forward all at once, the rhythm of their joined movements comforted her.

  Sure, she might not be able to remember names, moments, or much of anything about her life before. But this, right now, she remembered this. The feeling she got when sitting tall and confident on the back of a horse. What her brain had forgotten, her muscles knew. Was it the same with her heart? Is that why she met the same mystery man in her dreams every night when her brain shut down for the evening and let her heart take over?

  She didn’t know, couldn’t know.

  But what she could do was savor having finally found something familiar. Finally something in her life seemed right, and surprisingly, she had Landon to thank for it.

  Chapter 12

  Ellie arose early every day for the following week not only to escape her disturbing dreams but also to squeeze in a ride with Buddy before breakfast. It had only taken a few lessons for her to feel confident doing the prep work and riding the gentle horse without Landon’s supervision. She still stayed inside the riding pen rather than venturing out on her own along the trails, but every day she could feel herself gaining more confidence and knew she would soon be ready for the next challenge.

  And even though she wasn’t seeking him out, she still ran into Landon at least a couple times each day. They would exchange curt nods and friendly good mornings, but mostly he let her be. His eyes, however, were a different story. Ellie knew she must be considered beautiful to have made herself a career as a fashion model, but she just couldn’t see it whenever she glanced at herself in the tall mirror over her cabin’s dresser.

  But when Landon looked at her, his entire face took on this weird expression, almost like he’d been hypnotized by her presence. In fact, it felt very much the same with Penny, too. Even though Landon had given her a hard time about her desire to spend time with the reclusive rescue horse, Ellie made sure to spend time with her every day as well.

  She hadn’t gotten into the pen with her again since that first day, but she often brought a blanket and a book with her and spent a couple of hours stretched out on the grass as the horse watched from nearby.

  It didn’t take long to build a routine at the ranch. Between riding Buddy, relaxing with Penny, attending group and solo therapy sessions, and performing her assigned chores, she definitely earned her meals. And other than her time with the horses, food had become her favorite aspect of this new Alaskan life. Not only were Liz and her husband both great cooks, but she also loved spending time with people her own age—people who were not Landon. Liz had opened up to Ellie about her tortured past, and Ellie hoped to one day return the favor.

  Until she could remember, though, she’d focus on taking things one day
at a time just as her therapist had instructed her.

  Today, Elizabeth Jane had a special mid-day surprise for Ellie to celebrate her two-week anniversary on the ranch. “It’s time to hit the town,” she’d announced, dragging Ellie away from the familiar property that had become home and into the lively traffic in downtown Anchorage.

  They parked in a mostly empty lot near the edge of the city, and Liz pulled Ellie along toward a small hole-in-the-wall café nestled between a spa and a used book store.

  “Anna’s isn’t one of the big name restaurants here in Anchorage, but if you ask me, it’s the best one we’ve got,” Liz explained as she opened the door to the small café, setting off a bell that announced their presence. Immediately a burst of fragrant air hit Ellie straight in the face. Mmmm. If she hadn’t been hungry before, smelling the delicious scent of roasting meat certainly did the trick.

  “Dorian and I come here for all our special occasions—birthdays, anniversaries, you name it. All her meats are locally sourced from hunters. Smell that moose stew? It’s the special every Friday, but I swear I crave it every minute of every day in between, too.” Liz laughed as she guided them both to a booth by the front window.

  The inside of the café was unlike anything Ellie had ever seen before. It seemed to have a mixed theme of midcentury nostalgia and a hunter’s lodge. A long counter lined with freshly polished chrome stools flanked the entire side wall. The floors were checkered tile, but the walls were wood paneled. The chandelier was made of antlers.

  Every inch of the place was polished to a shine, and Ellie could tell the person who owned this diner took great pride in what they had. It was so much cleaner than many of the bigger restaurants she’d eaten at, ones that would have had more staff and resources to take care of things.

  A tall blonde woman walked out from the back and strutted right over to their table. “Hi, Liz! I thought that was your truck I saw pulling up out front. What brings you by today?”