Memories of Home Read online

  She had to take this chance. She had to try.

  Her mother, however, saw things a bit differently. “So, you’re going to put Ellie on an animal that has the potential to go racing off at breakneck speed and throw her to her death? And just because you think these gentle creatures can offer some kind of mystical voodoo healing?”

  Trust her mom to remind everyone of what the worst could be.

  “Arlene, the people who work on the ranch aren’t going to throw her up on any horse if she’s not ready. I know of people who go to that ranch who have never ridden a horse before in their life. At least Ellie has been on a horse before.”

  “But will I remember how?” Ellie asked in a small voice, feeling like a small child stuck between two warring grown-ups.

  Her dad looked back at her and squeezed her hand. “I don’t know the answer to that, but I do believe once you have a love for horses like you always did, that’s something that doesn’t ever go away. Even if you can’t remember it.”

  “You just want her to go back with you so you can fill her head with false memories and pretend you’re father of the year. You want to take her away from me. Enough with the lies, Stewart. This isn’t happening.”

  Ellie’s father closed his eyes tight. She watched his shoulders rise and fall as he fought the anger that had built to an almost explosive degree. Ellie knew him well enough now to recognize the signs. Normally he stood stoic and firm against his mother’s madness, but every once in a while…

  Luckily, Dr. Crosse interrupted before he could spew molten lava everywhere. “You know, what happens next is a decision that Ellie needs to make for herself. Regardless of what has happened between the two of you in the past, I suggest you stop thinking of yourselves and focus on your daughter and what she needs. And right now, that is to be away from the bitterness and anger that is present when you two are together.”

  Dr. Crosse was right.

  Ellie didn’t know what her past had been, and she couldn’t control what she couldn’t remember. But she could control her future, and she knew she needed to be away from here.

  Suddenly, the idea of being around an animal that couldn’t argue or demand more from her than what she could give seemed like a special kind of Heaven on earth.

  Closing her eyes again, she smiled and let herself relax into the decision. Yes, this was happening.

  “Dad,” she whispered, reaching out to squeeze his strong, calloused hand. “I’m going to Alaska with you.”

  Chapter 5

  Less than a week later, Ellie found herself on a plane headed for Anchorage. And it wasn’t a moment too soon as her mother had driven her properly crazy during her few days at “home.”

  Will any place ever feel like home again?

  As if reading her thoughts, the woman in the aisle seat next to her leaned forward, giving Ellie a conspiratorial smile. “You’ll love it in Alaska,” she promised. “The winters can be a bit harsh if you aren’t prepared, but the summertime is truly breathtaking.”

  Ellie shifted in her seat uncomfortably. Was it really so obvious she didn’t belong? “I don’t plan on being here long,” she answered flippantly. “Just until I’ve had a chance to rest a bit, so hopefully I’ll be gone long before the harsh winter gets here.”

  Suddenly remembering, she stared down at the worn brochure in her hands. It was the same one her father had given her when he first offered up the idea of a reprieve at Memory Ranch. The large golden logo with the horse in the top corner drew her eyes. It was still hard for her to think of Alaska as a place for a horse ranch, but what did she know?

  The fasten seatbelts light popped on with a high-pitched ding and the pilot announced they’d be starting their descent into Anchorage shortly. Ellie rolled up the shade on her little port-hole window and watched as the clouds gave way to the stunning scenery below.

  Mountains stretched as far as she could see and the land under them lay green and lush. Ocean water sparkled with the promise of new adventures, finally helping Ellie to see why this was the absolutely perfect place for a ranch… or even a whole life.

  She pulled out her new phone and glanced down at the time, finding it much later than she’d expected. They’d been delayed a bit before taking off from the airport in Los Angeles, which made her worry the woman who was so supposed to meet her might have given up waiting and headed home without her.

  Maybe her parents had been right about her traveling alone. They’d shockingly agreed with each other that Ellie shouldn’t take the journey by herself. If her parents were formidable when arguing against each other, then they were truly stubborn when they found themselves on the same side of an issue. By some miracle, she’d finally managed to convince them she needed to do this on her own. She needed to feel like she had some kind of control back in her life. Taking this trip by herself was what she had to do, whether they liked it or not, even if she did find herself stranded in the airport with no idea where to go next.

  Her father had flown in to Anchorage a few days back saying he’d come to the ranch by the end of the week to make sure she was all right. If worse came to worse, she could give him a call. But setting up camp in the airport seemed more appealing than admitting she was wrong about her ability to travel on her own.

  Her mother was already so angry about it all that she wasn’t even speaking to Ellie when she left. Ellie suspected she’d eventually come around, and that her mother making a fuss was just par for the course. Right now, trying to deal with her mother’s feelings wasn’t a priority when there was so much else that needed to be taken care of.

  Ellie once more opened the contacts on her phone, swallowing the lump that started to choke her. She only had her mom, her dad, Dr. Crosse’s office, her physiotherapist, and the number for Elizabeth Jane Whitley, the woman who ran Memory Ranch.

  Since her old phone had been destroyed in the crash, there was no way for her to know who had been in her contact list before. She knew she must have had some friends, even if no one had ever managed a visit while she was in the hospital. Coincidence, right? Surely she had people who cared about her somewhere in the world.

  When Ellie had asked her momager about it, she touted all the “connections” they apparently both believed to be important in the industry, then suggested that Ellie give their favorite fashion photographer a call to stage a recovery shoot and began talking about that at the pace of roughly a million words per minute. Unfortunately, her mother had no helpful information when it came to anything outside of Ellie’s work life.

  When Ellie had asked her about the man she kept seeing in her dreams, dearest mom had been adamant that she didn’t know about any man Ellie had been involved with. And she’d been sure to let her know that if anyone would know, it would be her.

  There were no pictures in Ellie’s apartment—nothing that gave her any kind of glimpse into her personal life. The only pictures she’d been able to find were the ones from her photo shoots and those taken at gala events her mother had saved.

  Nothing to show the person behind the camera or the life she’d lived when she wasn’t working.

  Her mom had insisted Ellie hadn’t had the time or inclination to pursue anything outside of her work. “And why would you want to?” she’d asked, her eyebrows pushing up against her smooth forehead. “You already have it all!”

  Ellie simply nodded and changed the subject, but inside she wondered, If I already have it all, then why do we have to work so hard to try and get even more? And why does it seem so easy to walk away and never look back?

  The plane touched down with an unnerving bump as Ellie held her head back against the seat. Suddenly the worries of the past faded away, only to be replaced by the fear of what lay ahead. What if being on this ranch doesn’t help at all? What if I came all this way for nothing?

  “I’ll be saying a prayer for you. I’m sure everything will work out for you, dear.” The older woman she’d sat next to smiled at her reassuringly as they waited for their ba
gs at the luggage carousel. Ellie hadn’t told her everything, just that she had been in an accident and was going to a ranch to spend some time recuperating. Even if she had shared her memory loss, she doubted anyone would believe her. It felt way too much like a plotline from a soap opera to actually be real.

  Yet here she was, living proof that the worst really could happen.

  Ellie turned carefully with her carry-on over her shoulder and her large suitcase gripped tightly behind her. She let herself look past the baggage area to where people were milling around waiting for friends and family to exit the terminal. Her eyes scanned the crowd for a tall woman with red hair, hopefully holding some kind of sign or something to identify her as the Liz who was supposed to be picking her up.

  Finally spotting her, she smiled as the other woman must have realized she was the one she was waiting for. The red-haired woman threw both hands in the air and waved animatedly. “I bet you’re Ellie Hawkins. Am I right?”

  “That’s me,” Ellie said brightly as she pulled her suitcase to a stop behind her and stretched her free hand forward in greeting.

  “I’m so glad to meet you. I hope your flight was okay. Let’s get your bags into my truck and head out to the ranch so you have time to freshen up before supper.” Liz deftly grabbed both of Ellie’s bags and headed toward the exit at a brisk clip as she continued to chatter away about Alaska, the ranch, memory recovery—basically every topic under the sun.

  Ellie trembled with fear, anticipation, the sense that something momentous had just happened. She’d read in the brochure that Elizabeth Jane had also suffered some kind of memory trauma which led her to start the ranch with her husband, Dorian. But the woman before Ellie now seemed so normal, so confident, so sure of her place in the world.

  Maybe this will work, after all, Ellie realized, unable to hide the smile that had begun to play at her lips. Maybe this is exactly where I need to be.

  She let the newfound optimism overtake her as she followed her guide out of the airport and toward whatever came next.

  Chapter 6

  Ellie ran until her legs ached and her lungs burned. Still, no matter how fast she went, he was faster. He didn’t even have to pump his legs. He simply floated into the shadows, farther and farther from her grasp.

  She reached a desperate hand in his direction, stretching her fingers so far she was sure she’d dislocate some of them. “Who are you?” she begged. “Please, come back! I want to see your face!”

  The words tore from her throat in a sob as the man completely disappeared into a dreamy mist. And then it was over.

  Her eyes shot open, taking in the simple furnishings of her new room. He wasn’t there. He’d never been there. And yet…

  Every time she dreamed, he would appear, always just beyond her reach, never willing to let her see him. It would have been easy to dismiss him as some warped figment of her imagination, but no. She knew with everything she had that this man was real and that his memory was trying to find her, trying to help Ellie find him again.

  No doubt this man who haunted her dreams had been someone important to her once. But if she’d loved him this deeply, why hadn’t he come to see her in the hospital? Wouldn’t he have heard about the accident and have come to her by now? Or had he never valued her the way she so clearly did him?

  None of it made sense. Each night brought more urgent questions, but no answers to which she could cling.

  Ellie wiped at her tears then sat up on the bed, stretching to ease the soreness that still lingered from her nocturnal sprint. Even though it had been a few weeks since the accident, she still had pain to remind her of all that had happened to her poor, damaged body in the accident. She was told her scars would fade in time and the bruising would ease. Eventually, all of the physical pain would just be a distant memory.

  She worried it might be the only distant memory she would ever have.

  She stood and ambled over to the mirror above the old oak dresser, grabbing her hairbrush. As soon as they’d arrived, the ranch lady, Elizabeth Jane, had insisted Ellie go to her new room and rest. Apparently the exhaustion in Ellie’s face was quite evident.

  That and the trauma.

  She ran a gentle fingertip along the scar by her temple, then the one that jutted forth from her jaw. After gathering her hair in an elastic, she pulled at her shirt to regard the largest of all her external wounds, an angry red gash that streaked across her chest.

  When the doctor had insisted the marks would fade her mom had flippantly dismissed the worry saying that a good plastic surgeon could fix anything anyway—not just the scars but also the little bump from where Ellie had broken her nose as a child. Ellie didn’t mind them, though. They were reminders she’d been hurt, but also that she’d survived.

  Down, but not out, she told herself as she forced a smile at her reflection. Ready for round two.

  Now all she had to do was recover, rehabilitate, and—finally—remember—the “three re’s,” as Elizabeth Jane had told her on their drive to the ranch.

  Ellie glanced out the window, wondering what to do next. She could just make out the stables on the other side of a tremendously large fenced area.

  A few horses stood grazing while a pony galloped around in proud, jaunty circles. Ellie laughed to herself as she watched it clumsily make its way around the others before finally bumping into one of the larger horses. It stopped for a moment, blinked, and shook its head, then turned and ran the other way again.

  As she watched, a man walked out of the stable holding some rope in his hand. She turned to study him closer but couldn’t make out his face from here. Well-muscled arms worked the rope while dark hair poked out from the sides of his cowboy hat. His boots kicked up dust as he walked confidently into the corral just as if he had always been here, always belonged. Other than her father, she hadn’t seen anyone else who could be called a true cowboy… until now.

  She watched as he carefully approached a beautiful brown horse that stood on the far side of the corral away from the others. The anxious horse kept its eyes on every move he made, stomping its feet and edging away as the man closed the distance between them. He stopped and held his hands forward in peaceful surrender. She saw his lips move and wondered what he had said, what his voice might sound like. It must be very deep, she thought, feeling a rush of attraction for the first time she could remember… well, ever.

  Just when she was sure the horse was about to run away, the man took another large stride forward, then stopped completely less than an arm’s length from the horse. The horse kept its eyes on him but didn’t run.

  Another man burst from the stables, carrying a pitchfork and shouting something Ellie couldn’t quite make out. Of course, the horse startled. Even from so far away, she could almost feel the cowboy’s frustration as the horse took off, kicking its back legs into the air. She cringed, sure the man would be trampled on, but the horse ran right past him and out into the pasture beyond.

  A knock on the door startled her.

  Taking another quick look in the mirror, Ellie brushed her hands down her shirt to try getting some of the wrinkles out before opening it.

  Liz stood at the threshold holding a large tray of biscuits and offering a rejuvenating smile. “Hope I didn’t wake you up. I was just about to head out there and thought this might be a good chance to give you the grand tour.”

  “Sounds great. Can you give me a few minutes to put on my face?” she asked, thinking of the man she’d seen outside and dreading the thought of running into him without a bit of concealer and maybe mascara, too.

  “No way! You look great, and even if you didn’t the horses would still be happy to see you anyway. They’re far more concerned with how a person will treat them rather than how much they paid for their latest handbag. Trust me, I’ve asked. Now, grab a biscuit, and follow me.” Liz gave a wink as she moved out of the way to let Ellie out the door.

  They walked side by side along the path that led to the stable. A few
more small cabins sat along the way and Ellie could see the big house in the distance as she glanced toward the breathtaking backdrop of purple mountains.

  “You’ve been pretty quiet,” Liz said, breaking into Ellie’s thoughts. “What’s on your mind?”

  “I’m just taking it all in. It’s absolutely gorgeous here.”

  Liz looked out at the land around them with a wide smile covering her freckled face. “Be honest now. You were wondering how someone as young as me has all this, right? And I’m guessing you also want to know why I would want it in the first place?”

  Ellie laughed. She loved how direct this Elizabeth Jane—or Liz, as she preferred to be called—was with her. She was the first person to call Ellie out on anything since the accident and—oh—was it refreshing. “I guess maybe I did wonder…”

  “Thought so.” Liz nodded and placed a hand on Ellie’s shoulder as they walked. “See, I’m like you. I had all these memories I couldn’t access. Mostly because I was so young, when… well, it’s a long story. But anyway, as I searched for answers, I found myself on a ranch not too different from this one. Horses had been important to me when I was a little girl, and in finding my way back to them, I finally found myself.”

  “That’s beautiful,” Ellie whispered. For some reason, tears had begun to form in the corners of her eyes. Everything seemed to make her cry these days. “So you wanted to help others do the same? That’s admirable, but how could you ever afford such a beautiful piece of land? Is it cheap up here in Alaska?”

  Liz laughed so hard, Ellie half expected milk to shoot forth from her nostrils, never mind that neither of them had been drinking any on their walk. “Heck no! Alaska is one of the most expensive markets in the country.”

  Ellie waited for Liz to stop laughing. When she finally did, she explained, “I came across an unexpected inheritance. I don’t like to talk about it, but perhaps one day I will. That’s part of my journey. You have yours, and I have mine. Healing is a process that never quite stops, but it does get easier. I promise you that.”